[man] What the hell is this? Okay.
Now, Mr. President,
I don't know what this is, okay?
I may not know nothing about no science or nothing like that, okay,
because I get all my learning from the Bibles,
but that there red planet is gon' get itself a black man.
And once more,
this black man is gon' give that planet a good dusting.
[laughs]
Good Lordt!
[jaunty electronic music plays]
Black women are the bedrock of society,
and yet their bodies are treated with misregard.
["The Devil Caught Me Nappin'" by Andrea & Ervin Litkei plays]
Hey, we could play some music if you want.
Did you know that Lauryn Hill has an Unplugged album?
I get it.
You like the sisters, but...
can't just come out and say it like that without causing a #movement.
So you've crafted this...
really responsible persona
to make sure that we feel safe and seen.
And that's great.
But...
just to be clear, I didn't bring this black body
all the way cross campus just to be respected.
Well, I got about an hour.
I don't. Um...
Clear your Sunday.
♪ I ♪
[sighs]
♪ Don't talk no more ♪
Oh, sorry.
[Joelle] There you are!
- Oh, hey. - Hey.
FYI,
you have 49,000 texts from Brooke.
- What the... - Shit, I forgot.
She wants to interview me about this whole Jerry Skyler situation.
- There's a Jerry Skyler situation? - Yeah.
The Media School responded to students' diversity concerns
by making him a filmmaker-in-residence.
And he filed a restraining order against you.
For what? 'Cause his dedication to centuries-old black stereotypes
in film, theater, and hastily-made sitcoms
fills me with an irrational and potentially violent blind rage?
Lots of things do that.
Promise me there'll be no filmed confrontations
- or ironically thrown blackface parties. - How would a blackface party help...
Oh, wait, actually...
- I'm kidding. - Girl.
[chuckles]
- Could you pass me the cartridge? - Yeah.
You didn't come home last night.
So I'm guessing you guys are good?
You know, just...
trying not to be my crazy self, or myself at all.
Whatever it takes.
- Mm-hmm. - Uh...
Did you decide who you're pissing off with this film?
Well, you know, it's...
more an exploration...
of humanity...
and...
beauty...
and, you know,
people and places...
Okay. Lots to love. Yeah, I have thoughts.
[Gabe] Yeah, don't bother.
We only got a couple years to get our shit together
before the rising tides wipe us out.
Oh, damn, I thought we had a solid decade.
No, the UN just revised their report. We're all doomed.
But, like, in a couple years, so... Coffee?
- You got coffee. - You get points for trying.
Nope. You fail. Best friend, one. Boyfriend, zero. [laughs]
All right, that's fine. It's on.
Just don't be surprised when you see me and Reggie making out.
- Ooh! I'm kind of down! - No.
- What, is that problematic? - Yes!
- It's problematic. - It's problematic.
Before this gets weirder, I should get going.
The, uh... battle to save Black Caucus from the Coco regime rages on.
And all my guests canceled on Dear White People.
- Joe. - Yeah.
If you ever want to step back into any of this, I'll save you a seat.
Oh, shit, I can't.
This news alert says we have until this afternoon
before there are canals in Des Moines.
- Goodness! - That'd be cute.
[chuckling]
See ya. Thank you.
- Copycat. - Aww.
- All right, dearest. - Yes?
I'm here to escort you to your not-trying-to-freak-you-out
but-this-is-definitely-a-huge-deal faculty pitch.
Are you ready?
Please.
All I have to do is throw around movie jargon
like "juxtaposition" and "cinema verité."
I'll be fine.
Okay.
[bird chirps]
And so, there will be...
tonal juxtapositions just to...
amp up that cinema verité feel.
Uh, okay, but what is...
Oh, and there's also going to be a dark night of the soul...
moment, to be grounded in the human condition as well.
Uh, Sam... All right, the footage is dope.
I mean, wow.
Uh, but what...
is it about?
Mr. Skyler, I know you might be used to these things
being on the nose,
but I wanted to go for a more subtle approach to the human condition.
A movie about the human condition?
Hmm. That sounds super original,
but what is your, like, thesis?
You know, this being your junior thesis presentation.
Well, it's like I'm...
- Michelangelo. - Oh, Lord.
You're comparing yourself to Michelangelo?
That's a move.
In that...
he would take a block of granite and chip away at it
to reveal the person trapped inside.
Okay, Sam, but what is trapped inside your block of granite?
- The human... - Please don't say human condition again.
It sounds like you haven't quite cracked what it's about.
Well, what... rules say I have to know what it's about?
The curriculum you came here for.
All of the rules.
But isn't there something to going out there with a camera
and letting the world tell you what it wants?
- [quietly] Seriously? - Um...
[Sam] You know what?
Maybe you guys don't understand my process,
and that's fine.
You know, my favorite director, Cynthia Fray,
ignored her film faculty's advice
and she went on to win an Oscar a year later.
So, I am comfortable forging my own path.
Interesting you should bring Cynthia up.
As you know, part of our decision here
is to pair a select few with industry advisers,
and after begging her for years, Cynthia has finally agreed to be one.
We all had high hopes for the two of you.
What you mean, "had"?
Since when does a panel of men get to decide who or...
You were prepared, babe.
I know! I know!
- I'm sorry. - Because I am always prepared!
For everything, at every moment. It is exhausting!
[clears throat]
Gabe, we need you in the room before the next student comes.
Yes, of course. [clears throat]
- Thanks, buddy. - Yeah, no problem.
So, we're going to let you try that again in a couple weeks,
just so you know, and I'm here...
for whatever you need.
I'm good.
No Uncle Tom butlers have been planned.
- No offense. - [laughs]
You know, I'm immune to criticism.
Griggins money got me an island, but, uh...
for real, I really am here to help you.
That's why I'm here.
We're not the same.
[laughs] Yeah, no, of course not.
Michelle Obama only knows one of our names.
Yo, have you seen Cabin in the Sky?
I generally avoid embarrassing send-ups to slavery.
It's a little quirk of mine.
Sis, here's the thing.
I get it's problematic out of context, but let me teach you something, okay?
In 1943, when that movie came out,
it was black people that packed the theaters.
'Cause before then, they never saw themselves onscreen,
it was always white people in blackface.
You know something about blackface.
Look, I'm just saying...
I don't know that you get to tell people
where they can and cannot see themselves.
You know what I mean?
I need to do this on my own.
Okay.
Well, good luck with that.
It was nice to meet you.
At last!
[Sam] Oh.
Hey, Brooke.
- I was just looking for you. - Sure.
- What can I get for you? - Mmm...
Just a black coffee.
Do you want that now or...
after repeatedly asking for days?
Oh. Now.
Brooke, look, I had a huge pitch today
for my junior thesis.
And my phone died.
- Hmm. - [phone rings]
Okay.
- So what did you... - Oh, I've got customers.
Okay, then let's talk tonight?
Okay, text me. Again.
Oh, hey, Lionel.
Brooke's shift just started.
Oh, I'm aware.
We didn't really get to talk the other day.
Moses is something, isn't he?
Yeah.
Yeah, he... he kind of is.
Did you...
notice anything about him?
[Moses, echoing] Campus police will officially be disarmed.
[students cheering, chattering]
What do you mean?
Never mind.
Forget it.
["Ain't Nobody Straight in L.A." by The Miracles plays]
[Lionel] Even though I had breakfast,
I was already thinking about a... snack.
Mmm.
And the campus was crawling with appetizing options.
Something healthy, perhaps.
Ooh!
It had been a while since I cradled a ball with a lacrosse boy.
Hey.
Nah.
Something decadent.
Maybe I'd take it into the end zone
with a football player.
You know, I ain't never been scared to take a knee.
♪ Homosexuali... ♪
Girl!
[D'unte] What are you doing?
Uh... uh...
Getting some air. No classes today.
Okay.
'Cause this is like your third time circling this quad
and it's making me dizzy as fuck.
[gasps]
Jesus!
It's like a fist.
- [chuckles] - I'm both terrified and aroused.
That's trade for you.
Trade?
As in, like...
"rough trade"?
You know, like, "niggas."
Okay.
Straight-adjacent guys you can just fool around with
'cause they'd rather pass
than have that conversation at Thanksgiving.
Oh!
That's a thing?
Oh, honey.
It's the thing.
Come on.
Where are we going?
There's an impromptu ki happening back at the crib.
I'd been bugging the homie D
to introduce me to his friends for forever.
They seemed like my kind of trouble.
Uh, no. I've got so many...
So many fucking excuses.
Don't worry.
Everyone's chill.
And I've invited you, like, twice now.
Even though I'd already lined up my afternoon snack,
D. was practically begging me to roll through.
Fine.
House of No Pi?
Oh.
Like "vagina-free zone."
[chuckles]
That's funny. This is fun.
I'm not nervous at all.
It was vagina-free,
until our housemate Jennifer decided to get one of her own.
- And then the lesbians came. - What's up?
They're the only ones who can start our pilot light, so... diversity.
We keep the signs up as a reminder of our problematic past,
which was way more fun, of course.
You good?
Yeah, I'm... I'm up for this ki, yo!
Calm down.
Hey, boo! What's going on?
Thanks.
Um, housemate Teddy, meet baby gay Lionel.
His tongue was in my throat.
You're welcome.
[Teddy chuckles]
You know what a girl dick is, right?
- Hi. - Hey. Jennifer.
D'unte, back me up.
- Girl dick? - I've heard of it.
I wish I hadn't.
Don't hate crime me, bitch.
See? Everybody knows what it means.
Oh. I'm good.
- V wants this back. - Who?
V?
- Um, is someone here named V? - Oh, my God!
Girl, "V" is a gender-neutral pronoun.
- I'm sorry. - How dare!
Baby, I am a "she."
And V is over there.
Hey, my name's Ashley V, and I would like some as well.
God!
[banging at door]
[Teddy] Lionel! Hurry up or share the coke!
Just kidding.
Please don't do coke in our bathroom.
That's gross.
Go ahead.
Thanks.
You know this is meth, right?
What?
I'm kidding. It's just CBD.
You're fine.
Girl, you are not ready for Michael. You of all people.
We were just having a casual drug conversation.
We spent all inter-quarter in the stacks.
The law trade?
My ex. W.
Of all the cruising spots at Winchester,
he had to take over mine.
Of course he'd haunt the stacks, my old playground,
a forgotten part of the law library perfect for a midday rendezvous.
Lionel.
This is awkward.
No, it's all good.
I've had my fun, too, you know, since we ended.
Yeah, okay, sure.
No, really. Definitely got it in, down in Ho-ston.
- Houston. - Please stop explaining this to people.
You got it in?
Yeah.
With, like, a couple of guys. So, yeah.
It was cruel bragging to W. about my hometown sexploits,
but hey, he broke up with me.
"Ho-ston."
Doesn't sound like the Lionel I know.
Well, maybe you don't know me that well.
- [upbeat music plays] - [Jennifer] Ah!
U.S. of Gay is back on Netflix!
[man] Hey!
Well, I love the passion I see here,
but maybe give it that, like, sophisticated zhuzh
so that more people feel welcome.
So can we make it so that only some people feel more welcome?
[phone buzzes]
Hey, Brooke. I'm in the middle...
Yeah, well, I am literally at work, but it's important.
I am just a quote away from filing a story on the Jerry Skyler situation.
There's a Jerry Skyler situation?
So, it's timely.
When I send it in, please proof and put it up.
Wait, what?
- No, we didn't discuss us... - No!
We didn't. Because you are a terrible editor.
So, unless you are totally okay with The New Independent
having literally no...
There are homosexuals on TV giving makeovers to Trump supporters.
Why are you on the phone?
Hunty!
It's after Labor Day!
What are you doing with all this white?
Disappointed.
[car horn honks]
Hey, Brooke, look, I got to go, okay?
Wait, no! Don't you hang up!
Damn it!
Oh, no. Your milk work is exquisite.
Can't cover such a pretty flower.
It's a butterfly.
Oh, okay.
I see the fly part.
Hmm.
Here's your triple shot.
Here you go.
It's fair trade, single-origin, 100% Arabica.
More caffeine, fewer words.
Honey, Queensfield has you unraveling like your weave freshman year.
Bitch, that was my h...
No, you're right, but if I'm gonna get an A...
Oh, Coco-kins!
Nobody gets an A in Queensfield. We just hope to pass.
You take it, you cry,
you try not to embarrass yourself.
Ah, ah, ah!
[spits]
We talked about this.
You already had two triple shots today.
[voice fading] Nine and you could die, and I can't have that
happening on my watch again.
You know, I don't have time for this.
I have too much to do.
You live with that?
She's not so bad.
As long as you never listen to music.
Or watch TV. Or chew loudly.
Or masturbate.
God. And I thought I was having a hard day.
You want to talk about it?
I'm on my way home and A-P's on the way to Webster.
Sure.
Did she take the spit coffee?
[both laughing]
I just feel like I'm always chasing.
A story, a grade, Lionel.
And the faster I run, the further I am.
Well, it must be frustrating being avoided by everyone all the time.
Everyone? All the time?
Oh, honey, of course. You're a lot.
But that's okay. So am I.
If they can't take it, who needs them?
Besides, boys were built to let you down,
and even Lionel's a boy.
Tell me about it.
Even my string of meaningless hookups are beginning to feel...
meaningless.
Grass is always greener, my dear.
I wish I could relieve some stress,
but I ran out of lesbians in one semester.
[gasps] You're right!
Maybe I should try girls.
You know, I've always been a little curious about the lady pond.
Oh, God.
The lady pond is cloudy enough
without another straight-but-curious girl dipping a toe.
[chuckles]
[Kordell] Sam, you've been watching Cynthia Fray movies in the lounge all day.
Everyone's thoroughly depressed.
And if one more black person
articulately makes an argument against racism set to jazz music,
I'm going to move to a new house.
You guys, I need the big screen.
It's a part of my process.
Well, some of us want to watch an episode of Mista Griggins' House
before our Bible study.
Now, sure you won't be loving a nigga sitting at your table,
eating the wrong fork,
slurpin' the soup with their big old monkey lips?
I mean, I got news for you, nigga, it ain't "Night Train."
You know we can hear you, Mr. Griggins.
What'd you say?
We can hear you.
- Oh, you can hear me? - Yes.
Oh, okay.
Well, how about this? Can you hear this?
[passes gas]
- [continues passing gas] - [audience laughs]
Oh, yeah! Praise Gort!
Why does he talk like he's from the 1800s?
Because he is.
He accidentally fell through some ice, he got frozen,
and then he was discovered in present day.
I kind of like it when he says, "Praise Gort."
Just a little keester speaking. You know how I do!
Oh, Mr. Griggins!
Don't you just love him?
Honestly, Kordell,
if there were a God,
She would've stopped this.
No.
Enjoy.
Thank you.
["Teach Me A New Language" by Van Hunt plays]
♪ No one can hold you ♪
♪ Like I ♪
♪ Like I do, oh ♪
♪ No one else would ♪
Maybe I had something to prove.
W seemed so smug about all his hookups.
Maybe I just wanted to reclaim the stacks for myself.
Either way,
the king has returned from his exile.
♪ They hear your bells and whistles ♪
Hey.
Never seen you around here before.
Oh.
My first time.
I, uh...
[zipper unzips]
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ Teach me a new language ♪
Uh... Whoo.
♪ A world without words ♪
♪ No noun or verb In the way ♪
[song stops]
[whispers] Faculty!
[footsteps receding in distance]
[dial tone rings]
[Gabe] Guys, I'm sorry,
but my thesis budget's a little in flux right now.
How can I find locations if I don't know how much I can spend?
Just find them, okay? Call in favors. Do what you got to do.
I mean, it's like it's never enough time, it's never enough money.
Yeah, you...
seem ready, though.
[sighs] How you doing over there?
Good.
I'm just...
clearing my hard drive for all the new footage.
[William] I am so proud of you, sweetie.
I'm looking at the next Cynthia Fray right here.
Dad!
I'm the first Sam White.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
[laughs]
I've got things to say that nobody else does.
[Sam] Thank you very much.
Turn that thing off! Dork!
No pictures, please.
Hey, Sam White, right here!
- Dad! - Sam White!
Dad!
- [knock at door] - Right here!
- Hi! - Hey.
Can Sam play?
So you're hooking up in the stacks,
which...
Okay, bitch.
And then you call me? I'm taken.
And you're a Kinsey 6, boo.
I saw him.
Saw who?
The weird bell tower guy.
He placed this for me to find.
And this was inside.
We're being trolled.
Right?
Totally.
But this isn't a thing, right?
No way.
So, do you, like, live in the bell tower or...
It's just a meeting spot.
Secret societies meet in secret.
Hello!
This secret society isn't operating at all.
You told us the Order died.
It did, in a sense.
- Oh, hell. - The Order is around,
and it is very powerful.
It's just lost its way.
Well, so sorry for your loss. Got to run.
Wait. I know that I am asking a lot.
Let us join or leave us alone.
To join,
you must understand certain things all on your own.
The pyramid...
must be seen from the eye of God,
and you must kill the narrator.
I get it!
You look at the pyramid from above
and you see an X. Cute.
- And where does your eye take you? - To the four corners...
- But... - [Lionel] Sam!
Don't get reeled in again, okay?
No more Scooby-Doo mysteries.
Unless I can be Daphne.
- Lionel, you're Velma! - That tracks.
Well, of course I'm Velma.
But I'm done. Done chasing, okay?
It has taken centuries to build the Order,
and it is more powerful than you will ever know.
You cannot turn your back on this.
Ugh!
- Lionel. - My back has been turned.
Lionel!
- Wait, Sam... - Sorry! Got to go!
Are you sure about this?
Look, we don't know who this guy is.
Okay? He could be some kind of alt-right prank.
Like Megyn Kelly.
Sam...
Lionel...
I...
I cared about all of this stuff.
I still care about this stuff.
I mean, yes, it could be another hoop we have to jump through,
but what if it isn't?
- The movement is... - Is fine. It's fine.
Look at what Professor Brown's doing on campus.
And Joelle.
And Al.
Sort of.
Look, don't take the bait.
Okay? You get some time to just do you, Sam.
What if I don't know what that is?
What if we're not supposed to yet?
I'm the girl who always knows who she is, always.
Says who?
Lionel.
Sam.
There you are.
Hell, Brooke.
Whatever it is, I'm working on it.
Are we doing this New Independent thing or nah?
Am I wasting my time?
Just file the story, okay?
I've been slammed, but I'll take a look.
[scoffs]
You know, I liked him so much more before he had any sense of agency.
That ass is still good, though.
All right, Brooke, how can I help?
Ugh.
I'm not even in the mood anymore.
You're not in the mood for work?
Right? I'm losing my mind.
Besides, I already scanned your social media
and there's way more than enough there. Like, way more.
Like...
Calm down. It's just Mista Griggins.
Mista Griggins or the end of all societal gains made by black people?
Mista Griggins.
You know what I like about you, Sam?
You know exactly who you are.
- Well... - At all times.
And you just go for what you want without asking permission.
No matter how irrational your little plans may seem.
Thank you?
Let's see.
Lionel, lame.
Likes lame guys.
I can't believe that's his password.
What are you doing?
I'm posting all of these articles myself,
thanks to Lionel's sad predictability.
Hey, appreciate the talk, Sam.
Have fun, you guys.
[Sam] Dear Cynthia Fray,
I'm a film student at Winchester, and I...
want you to be my mentor.
I'm not going through the proper channels to do this,
but to quote you,
"Fuck it."
[Lionel] Brooke!
[Lionel] And so I returned to the lounge,
my appetite sated for now.
Crazy.
["Ain't Nobody Straight in L.A." by The Miracles plays]
No one here has a clue
there's an entire world right under their noses.
But I do.
Because it's my world.
Who am I?
Call me...
Chester.
♪ Homosexuality ♪
♪ Is a part of society ♪
♪ Well, I guess that they need Some more variety ♪
♪ Freedom of expression is Really the thing ♪
♪ Ain't nobody straight in L.A. ♪
♪ Ain't nobody in L.A. straight ♪
♪ It seems that everybody is gay ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ Hey, man, check that out ♪
♪ Nobody's straight... ♪
Woo-hoo! [laughs]
[neon buzzing]